Walter White

I haven't written on this blog in awhile and before writing this spot I began to think of why I had chosen to write about Walter White from AMC's Breaking Bad. This whole month I've been thinking about life and how we all fit into it. What life we are supposed to live; where we're supposed to be and what our legacy will be. I've been so care free and day by day the past year that I think my mindset has taken me away from pondering questions such as those above. It is good to think of these things ever once in awhile but if one gets wrapped up in the future one will only find it becoming the past. I didn't necessarily come to a conclusion to answering these questions but I more so decided that the best thing to do was to live with what I want to do, day by day and to not lose sight of what I wanted to do the day before. I then realized that every day I wake up there is one goal I want all the time: to write and publish a novel.

Upon examining this I then thought about the difficulty I have been having in my writing and that is the development of characters. Now, this brings us to the subject of Walter White who, I believe, is the best character ever developed in the history of dramatic television. For those of you not familiar with Walter White I suggest you catch up on Breaking Bad which is in its final season but, a little bit of background so you're all not exiting this and going to the t.v. Walter White is your typical high school chemistry teacher before he is diagnosed with lung cancer. From the start you see Walter as a man that is stuck in a routine; the same day by day. He is your post Baby Boomer pre Gen Y American who was told to stay in line, get a job, raise a family and put his life on a spread sheet. He uttered in the first season that "I've gone through life feeling like I haven't made any of my own choices. Now, I have a choice, a final choice, with cancer." The way Walt chooses to deal with cancer will forever evolve him in ways that you would never guess. Now, initially Walt wants to make a lot of money quick so his family will be provided for in the case of his death. He turns to making meth and putting his chemistry into an ethically questionable business.

At first it is very awkward watching this middle class, straight laced teacher go through the workings of the drug trade. He enlists a want to be gangstar as his cooking and distribution partner. He is frightened to handle anything that has to do with distributing but he is fine with cooking and reaping the profits. But, it always goes back to the factor of Walt wanting to make his own choices. When a problem arises with the distribution, Walt's partner is beat up by a local drug lord, Walt begins the transformation to what, I believe, is his true self. He shaves his head which is a testament to him not giving in to the time line of cancer, doing it on his own terms, and him beginning to do what he wants. Upon assaulting the criminals who beat up his partner you see Walt take control of the situation and get the distribution on his own terms. He never wanted to micro manage but he now walks into the role of enforcer because he has nothing to lose, or so he believes.

You see, this whole time you sympathize with Walt because he has cancer. You sympathize with him because you want to be like him; you want to live with reckless abandonment and take all the risks that society has not allowed you to take. You sympathize with him because you feel sorry for the good guy who got cancer and might be leaving a baby, wife, and disabled child behind. You sympathize with him because everyone likes to see this guy win; the guy who never got a break in his life. As he tackles the distribution and begins to make money who only want him to make enough and die because it would seem honorable. But, they couldn't make this show last without showing you that there's more of a line to this ethical dilemma; that you have to question whether or not this is all right.

Walter is told that his cancer is in remission and for five minutes you see the joy in the man's face; the man who had accepted that he was dead; you see the tears of joy. In those five minutes you wonder if he'll give it all up; this thing he's good at, this thing that he can make money at with just the cost of his chemistry knowledge. You hope he does because the black cloud of cancer is no longer over him; you hope and wish he goes back to being the family man and lovable goof that goes through life so care free. But, Walter is not like that; he's more complex then anyone ever gave him credit for. He is not purely ruthless like Tony Soprano, well off like Don Draper, or scared like Jex Teller. Unlike all of these characters he is never trying to run from an identity, create a new one, or figure himself out; he is instead finding his true self hidden behind 50 odd years of Saturday bbq's, news at nine, and vacations to Disenyland. Every show Walter gets closer and closer to doing what he truly wanted to do his whole life: be known and respected.

He missed his chance when he left the company "Grey Matter" for personal reasons and since he has been hiding all of his emotions in the everyday monotony it took a confrontation with death, a coffee date, for him to realize what he had once wanted and never gotten. He begins to rationalize his actions, why he's doing things, to the point where the death of a child leaves him emotionless. He begins to understand he can be respected in the underworld of society; he begins to want the money, setting points of stoppage that he meets but then justifies away. He is caught in a life where he is sure he can control everything; where nothing is ever out of reach and the only way is his way. He comments that "Grey Matter" is worth billions of dollars now and, some might say, this is his only motivation. It's never that easy because it's never always about money. Its about what he believes he can earn with money and what he can continue to earn. Eventually, he is not thinking about the user, his partner, his family, he is only thinking about the money and how it makes him feel. How the respect, the cooking, the rush; how it all factors into his perception of himself.

Walter White is the crashed American dream; the capitalistic machine driving the forces of labor for the all mighty dollar; leaving all other things in its path and not accepting the consequences. Walter White is pure greed and want; justifying to none only to please himself. Walter White is all he ever wanted to be but everything everyone else feared. Walter is taking control of his life and doing what he has to do to feed the beast that is sheltered in every human being. He is finding himself, finding the persona that we all repress. The persona that accepts no consequences, that drives itself off selflessness, and never slows down. We're all waiting to see him fall off the cliff but, in the end, the joke will be on us because Walter knows already there's only one end to giving into temptation.